Mostrar mensagens com a etiqueta The Simply Luxurious Life. Mostrar todas as mensagens
Mostrar mensagens com a etiqueta The Simply Luxurious Life. Mostrar todas as mensagens

terça-feira, 9 de outubro de 2012

How to Let Go of What Other People Think

“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”

-Theodore Roosevelt

Walking down the sidewalk, in the hallways at work or school, through boutiques or at your favorite restaurant, you observe glances, stares and perhaps comments as you go about your business. Consequently, some of us (many of us at one time or another) begin to, almost without thinking, fidget, lowering your head slightly or feel a bit comfortable. Why? Honestly, there is no real reason except for the reason you’ve created in your head. In this case, the reason is one in which you have attached to what you perceive to be negative judgment by those around you whether you know them or not. In fact for some, this misperception prevents them from venturing out and trying new things, dressing in a style they’ve been curious about or doing things that have always piqued their interest. But no longer.

Today, I want to convince you to let go of others’ judgments – real or perceived. I want you to liberate yourself, thus helping yourself create a more fulfilling, creative and enriching life. While is has been said many times that most people are too worried about themselves to notice what’s going on with them, the truth is, we know people judge because you and I have most likely been guilty of passing judgment a time or two in the past ourselves. But today I’d like to ask you, in what way does passing judgment on others help us in our every day lives and in pursuing our dreams? It doesn’t. It simply does not aid us at all, and actually depletes energy that can be better used to help propel our own dreams and ideas forward.

The one aspect that comes just before we judge is observation, and it is observation that can be helpful. It is observation that can be used constructively to help us and others learn, grown and gain inspiration. We see a way of dressing that is inspiring and we try to mimic it in our own style, or conversely, we see a behavior that is offensive and we learn through observation what not to do. But it is when we take these negative observations and use them in a destructive fashion (gossip, jumping to assumptions or trying to bring someone down with a rude comment) that turns a positive into a negative.

Knowing that we will never be able to bring to a halt criticism or the judgment of others as it is completely out of our own control, we must then accept responsibility for what we can control and how we let it affect us and our daily lives.

Here are a few ways to combat the judgment of others and let it go, creating a habit of paying it no mind:

1. Understand that their judgment has very little to do with you. Accept that those who judge are actually reflecting their own insecurities, fears and frailties which have nothing to do with you what-so-ever.

2. Become grounded and confident in who you are and what you are doing. People who mock, tease or try to tear down others are less likely to continue to do so when their target doesn’t back down or ignores them completely. When you are certain of yourself, your actions and your choices, you are less likely to waiver and the “bullies” are less likely to continue to pounce.

3. Broaden your own perspective. For me, travel (especially international travel, but it needn’t be the only remedy) has broaden my understanding of what it means to live well. If we only experience the small world we’ve grown up in as the only way to live happily, it is easier to pass judgment (ignorantly so) on other behaviors we don’t understand or have never seen before. By traveling, what I’ve learned is that there are endless ways to live well, and the beauty is that not one way is the only way. When you realize this, upon your return, it is easier to stand your ground knowing that you are living in a way that best suits you, even if it is not what others are used to.

4. Fall in love with the life you are living. Get busy chasing your goals and dreams. Fill your days with to-dos that bring you joy and lift your mood. When you become enamored with the choices you’ve made and the life you are building for yourself, you no longer have time to analyze, fret and stress about what others might be thinking about your decisions.

5. Master your emotions. Our emotions can be a very powerful master if we shrink to their every demand. In Eckhart Tolle’s widely acclaimed book A New Earth, he explains a simple process on how to control our emotions (good and bad). First, become aware of what your are feeling (fear, embarrassment, worry, etc); second, observe this particular emotion with your mind (rationally and objectively); third, understand that if you are noticing it, it can’t be a part of you; and lastly, watch the emotion disappear. Upon understanding objectively why you are feeling the way you are feeling, you are mastering your emotions as you choose to let it go and not let it provoke you into doing something you might later regret or allow it to hold you back from doing what you wish to do.

6. Stop Assuming the Worst. Most people aren’t as interested in our actions, appearance and thoughts as we think. Let them do their thing, and get on about the business of doing yours because truthfully, “those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter, don’t mind” what you do, as long as you are being true to yourself.

Once you are able to let go of what others think, you will feel a burden lift. You will feel a weight of pressure remove itself allowing you to breathe deeper and step forward with more confidence as you begin to live the life that is calling your name, begging you to enjoy. Do you have an itch to swap your contacts for glasses in order to change your style? Do it! Want to investigate how you can begin your very own business? Make an appointment with a mentor in the business community you admire. Want to see that new Indie film that came out last week, but no one wants to go with you? Go by yourself and enjoy it without interruption!

With our actions, we define what a fulfilling life looks like, and if we cower to the assumed judgments of others, we are limiting the amazing opportunities life has waiting to share with us. So today, begin shedding the burden of others’ opinions and choose to dare greatly as you begin living the life you’ve been dreaming about.

In The Simply Luxurious Life

quinta-feira, 9 de agosto de 2012

Why Not . . . Make Someone Feel Special?

*Turn to them when you’ve had a bad day.

*Be specific in your compliments.
*Always be their teammate, not more competition.
*Open the door.
*Tell them you believe in them. Applaud who they want to be and are becoming and don’t prey upon their insecurities.
*Laugh with them.
* Smile when you see them.
*Remember details about them that they’ve shared in confidence.
* Keep their confidence, have secrets between just the two of you. Establish trust.
* Less texting to share feelings and more talking face to face which takes greater courage.
* Point out what they do well.
* Be their biggest cheerleader, not their critic.
*Always have their back in group conversations, even if you don’t agree.
* During arguments, turn toward each other. Even if it’s just to hold each other until you can make sense of your feelings. Don’t run away.
* Brag about them to others even when they aren’t around.
*Be willing to wait until they are ready – to talk, to share, to move forward, etc.
*Ask them to teach you something that they are proud of accomplishing.
*Remember their full name.
*Show appreciation for the little and big things that they do.
*Listen. Show you understand what they are going through by repeating some of what they’ve said back to them.
*Set goals together.
*Be kind.
* Never point out flaws in public, and in private, focus on their positive qualities and build those up.
* Just be together. Whether you are working in the yard together, reading the evening papers or simply just being, let the hours pass being in each others’ company. Much comfort can be found.
*Let them know that they are enough. Life is full because they are in it.
*Make their favorite meal, snack or drink.
* Leave unexpected notes just because.
* Offer to help before they ask.
* Spend time together just the two of you.
* When you tell them you love them, look into their eyes. Say it sincerely, not out of habit.
* Place your hand on the swell of her back when escorting her to the car, into the restaurant, across the street, etc.
*Respect their passions. Try to understand and learn more about them (you don’t have to like their passions, but try to understand why they do.)
* Celebrate when they reach small or big milestones toward their personal or professional goals.
* Let your actions mimic your words.
* Give a hug just because you want to be close to them.
*When you say you’ll do something, do it.
*Arrive on time.
*Never let them feel like the third wheel whether with friends, family or when meeting co-workers.
*Experience things together without others’ involvement to build trust, establish more intimacy and gain a clearer understanding of how each other handles various situations.
* When they’re wrong, don’t point it out. Let it go. Or simply say, “You may be right,” especially on minor things that don’t matter.
* Let them vent without judgment.
* Brush their hair out of their eyes or off their face.
*Take photos together and print and frame them to give to them as a gift.
*Tell them more than they expect to be told about work, friends, family, etc. Foster the feeling of inclusion, instead of exclusion.
*Call just to see how their day is going.
* Be their safe place, their rock, their #1 fan. Let them know that the relationship (and thus they) are your top priority as you create a life together, letting go of some of your old life that doesn’t foster that priority.

The Simply Luxurious Life